Highlander - Last of the MacLeods: One, Two, Three

One thing of note I mentioned regarding this game was that due to it depending on a Jaguar CD, it was living on borrowed time, and now that its on PC everything is fine. Well, it turns out that's not true. During this session several interesting crashes occur. The first of which just crashes my game whenever I first boot up DOSbox. It causes cutscenes to skip too. This is very helpful.

Check out that compression, I've never seen anything like it

Near where I left off there's a pond, there, I find Clyde's Waterwheel. Examining it starts a cutscene that also skips. Clyde seems to be Quentin's sister. The two talk about nightmares. Quentin talks about one where a very weird version of Sean Connery's character from the original asks his name and says he'll be back. Bootleg Sean Connery also appeared in the intro.

Sometimes this game pulls off something nice...

After this, I notice a tank in the distance. Aha! There must something inside the tank. Takes a few tries to get back into it, but I kill the guard. It might not be the best combat system ever made, but it is fun. Going around the tank eventually takes me to the desert, but I don't want to do that yet. Continuing to look around reveals some health items...and nothing. I guess we aren't going to discover what's inside that chest.

...and sometimes it doesn't

After a cutscene where Bootleg Sean Connery talks about the upcoming level, I arrive at a canyon. There's a guard charging at me straight off, but after that its relatively tranquil. If nothing else this game gives a good sense of scale in its levels. Its not fun running to and from, but at a first glance its pretty interesting.
The whole area is actually a pretty good, for Jaguar, processor to locations games like later Myst-clones and shooters would do better. Points for effort even if it doesn't live up to that hype.

The first section I go to is a cliff leading to a bunker. Skillfully hidden by the camera until you go past a different staircase. Then you see the staircase you can walk up. I'm not too mad. What is annoying is there are several enemies here that are aware of you before you're aware of them, before you can even see them in-character. This includes at least one hidden behind a bridge I can't bring down yet. This, I would hope, is something I can fix later. There's also cheese here, lying on the ground. Yum.

The canyon floor continues past a second staircase, although its probably the first you see. We'll get back to that one. I keep expecting snipers to shoot me, but that's later. For a good while its just guards on the ground. Two of these are guarding a rather small side pass, and sneaking up on the second one is very interesting. As I mentioned last time, the AI uses the same pathfinding system you do, but the added bonus is they're very stupid. I got him stuck for a good minute or so.

Continuing further down there are two paths, one with a tank and the other with two snipers I can't reach. What I'm supposed to do is run past the snipers, but because I assumed they were road blocks, I backtracked. At this point I find a flower.

Before I continue past the snipers, I'm going to briefly talk about the second staircase. I don't, as of yet know if I can cross it. There's a path that looks like you're supposed to jump over it, but you just lack the reach for it. It took me several tries to realize this. There's no falling damage, but below is some quicksand.

Running past the snipers is tricky, but not impossible. Its after that it becomes annoying. Every item is so small it might as well be a speck of dust on my monitor. Every fight is tricky. Either due to the camera angle messing me up or some weird skill level on the enemies. Then there's the lieutenant figure, a new enemy type. They don't technically seem to be harder, but they're harder. Its roughly this point that I figure out that if you get hit with your back against a wall it counts as walking backwards and turns you.

Then comes the game's worst encounter so far. Another lieutenant, is hidden behind a rock. This isn't a problem because he doesn't know you're there when he shouldn't. What is a problem is that as soon as you get out he is guaranteed to hit you if you aren't aware of this. Even then its still a problem, if he gets enough hits he knocks me into a camera transition. The thing is, these are two different in-game scenes. Which is to say he can't hurt me here, only he's waiting right outside. Eventually I kill him...eventually. Later I realize this was a mistake, as I could have just went through a different path. Who knows if that would have ended badly.

Next two swordsmen, in a manner difficult to seperate them, plus awkward angle. Generally speaking any time the enemy is approaching me from an angle where the enemy is a lot closer sprite-wise than he really is, makes things difficult to fight. Either I'm worse at these kinds of games than I thought or this game chose a lot of poor angles. Another lieutenant guarding the gates. He drops a key, after checking the rest of the area, I go for the obvious choice.

The logo these guys have looks a lot like a maple leaf. You can tell this is a fantasy game, the Canadian army controls the world.

Oh...no...Am I really supposed to do this? Oh...good. Far be it for me to be cheap, but I think I'm going to cheat. In the readme that came supplied with the game, there are a few codes, the only one I'm interested in is invincibility. I still do the pain animation, but eventually I manage to kill them. Eventually.

Oh...no...Um...I guess I need to backtrack...joy...I guess I need to find something for this. Ygh...It takes a while to walk back across the canyon, it doesn't help that the area is designed in a genuinely confusing way. Highlander pulled some weird tricks. You could walk along, shift to a different camera angle, then back to the previous one with no explanation.

I finally figure out how to solve one bit of the puzzle. In order to get up the second staircase I need a board. Where is that board? Back at the Highlander camp. How do I get there? Just walk back. I'd complain, but knowing some games, that's nice. After that it gets worse. Much worse.

At this point nearly every encounter is with two enemies, so I either have to cheat, which is not really fun, or get them to come at me one at a time, which is slow. I find a gun, but something tells me that's going to be necessary later. So there are three bunkers with the three pieces of the code I need to find. Why do I need to do this? Apparently this game doesn't have a long enough running time. There are two on the second staircase and one on the first.

The lever is in one of the bunkers on the second staircase, which brings down the walkway on the other staircase. This leads me to three enemies...if I'm not careful. After I get through all three, I find a crowbar and the final bit of code. I wonder if I can open the chest with this? At this point that's when something interesting happens. Any time I try to go back to the start from here it crashes.

Just like daytime television

Well, I have another solution. There's another cheat code, this one teleports me to a secret room. Its just the developers faces in rather unflattering poses. This goes out somewhere beneath the snipers. I think the flower is used to enter here, but I'm not entirely certain. Its a useless location.

Eventually I return. Might be because I transitioned between scenes too quickly after starting, might be because I have too much cheese. The crowbar works on the chest and I get a...uniform. Why...? I don't know yet. I'll pick this up next time after reaching the next area.

This Session: 1.5 hours

Total Time: 3.5 hours

Blake Stone: Mission 3

For this episode, I thought I'd make some changes to prevent myself from going nuts. Firstly, I'm just doing each mission in one big chunk, this will take slower, but make my life easier by a bit. Secondly, I'm switching to the easiest difficulty setting. Yeah, yeah, it was that or remove all the plasma generators and scientists in a map editor.
The mission begins after a shuttle explosion, which we never see. We land in some place called "Pan Crevasse", although apparently Stone makes a suggestion that would have been a better name. This starts the player off at a rover-module entrance to "Goldfire's Underground Network". As if I understand any of this or even care. Dangerous mission, Goldfire didn't expect survival, Breather Beast, genetic storage. Five pages is a lot for a game that doesn't really have a story. At least Halloween Harry had cutscenes, this is just sad.

M3F1:
We start off with one of the few decent tracks, and a few guards alert to me. He's off in the distance and he can't physically reach me, there's a switch barrier in the way, so it isn't too bad. There seems to be a half-dozen behind him. Honestly, fighting a bunch of these in highly controlled conditions isn't that bad, unfortunately there's a secret room nearby, which, although I found it afterward, still eliminates that controlled condition.

Oh...I can't imagine having to play this level on one of the harder difficulties. Its not too bad on the easiest, but turrets, and I imagine a dozen guards would be difficult there. On easy, its still panic inducing. I have to find a rifle so I can hit something, anything...and I get one...off a STAR trooper. I repeat, I kill a STAR trooper with the protector. I forget, was I on the highest difficulty? He shocked me too, he was in a secret treasure room, just hiding. It gets even better, there's a regular rifle guard in a shower near that room, and he dies in two shots. This might actually be too easy. I restart on the second difficulty, Skilled. Its still easier than Expert, but not a complete joke.

The gist of the level is a key hunt. I swear it was padded out just to increase the length. You look everywhere, the key is nowhere to be found. Where is it? Not in a secret...in the elevator. A nasty trick, but not the worst. Then it just gets annoying, the path to the red key requires you basically lap the level twice in order to get it. It feels like there's a point...but I don't really get that point.

M3F2:
This isn't a Network Operations and Control, this is more of an alien storage center...with...I dunno. There's barely any computer rooms here. Considering how many big computer rooms there have been in this game, I'm curious as to the reason of this choice.

There are two sections here, a series of small hallways and rooms in the south, mostly human enemies, and a wide-open area north full of pod aliens. The pod area has plenty of health, but lacks ammo, which was a problem because I tackled that first. That leads to the blue key, which leads upstairs. Despite the ammo problem, I feel like this is too easy, but I'm admittedly stuck here, because I'd prefer not dealing with too hard.

The southern section has a few rooms full of medical equipment, what I'd say are autopsy rooms. Looks like the dead bodies of informants. Very interesting. There are also more showers, and more rock areas I can't reach. I suspect there are guards there on harder difficulties.

Once again, the PDU is acquired before the Neutron Disruptor. What even is the point of having that thing at this point? Just because it was in Wolfenstein? Admittedly, it is a rather boring series of switches to get the PDU, across multiple screen rooms, but I have to admit, at this point I'm not going to be concerned with that.
I didn't get 100%, too many unknown variables for me to care. Did I miss a pod alien? Did I miss a guard? I don't care.

M3F3:
Not the weird music again. How long must I be tortured? I have half a mind to just turn the music off. Considering that I had to screw around with it for a different game, I actually had to turn it back on. As soon as I exit the room I see something really funny. A desk prop and a chair prop. Now, maybe I missed that earlier in the game, but it seems like those are two problems that give a massive improvement to the feeling of there actually being a room and not just a video game place in a game. Later on there's a stool in front of some computers. What the hell? What the hell?

For a level called Lunar Exploration, there isn't a whole lot of lunar. Oh, sure, there are some rocks to the north, but that's just hiding a key to the exit for some reason. Most of this seems to be some kind of medical lab, with not a single scientist in sight. A few gruesome scenes though. Most of the area fits in with the so far typical of this mission wide-open areas.

There's yet another PDU in a secret area, but the real interesting bit is that there's an alien guard in this game. I thought they only appeared in the sequel. I didn't get a good screenshot, because his appearance surprised me, and he is inside a secret area. Curious, I suspect I'll see more later.

M3F4:
What an interesting lack of choice I have here. The opening area has four doors, which lead to a security area, then a hallway, all of which lead to the same room. Its a big room, but c'mon. Its not really full up. A full third of the map contains next to nothing. Oh, sure, I find some secrets here later, but this feels aggressively like there's nothing.

Then in the east things get interesting. This is tighter, and more importantly, plenty of enemies. There's the return of the alien guard. They look less like aliens and more like zombies. They're not the stars here, that's once again the turrets. I realize the reason, there are three ways to get the player to change their weapons once they get the PDU, ammo supply issues, turrets or scientists. So far this game hasn't had much of the other two. Of course, I might have more of a reason if there was a Neutron Disruptor around.

Then there's new enemy no. 2, water aliens. So riveting I forgot to take a screenshot. They're puddles, then they turn into aliens you can attack. Glad to see you guys remembered that trick. Its sort of hard to see them as a threat, but they're new at least. They fit the area they're in quite well, lots of water spouts and water on the ground. There's also a lot of enemy containment units, both for the trash can looking mutants and the alien rip-offs. The area they're in is a long and confusing hallway.

Towards the end, after coming back from the secret level, I finally find the Neutron Disruptor. I can't help but feel this gun is considerably shafted by the developers.

M3FS:
The mission finished music, eh? That's not going to be annoying or anything...It does make a surprising turn for the better at points, so that's a plus. The gist of this level is a central fortress I'm gradually trying to penetrate. Its mostly aliens and turrets. There are no secrets and next to no scientists. Its a very simple and well-set up level. There's not much to say about it.

M3F5:
Secret level music. Feels weird. Okay, you're just making up random crap with the level titles now, "Network Atmospheric Control". If you don't have enough ideas for 66 levels, don't do 66 levels. There are three sections, two with a key and a central one where they go. The level is intended to funnel you towards the central area, where there's a lot of turrets and Goldfire spawns sometimes. I completely forgot about that. Great. Another really mundane open level.

M3F6:
Title music? Are we already all out of music? It eventually goes bonkers in a bad way. This is looking suspiciously like the last level. If it weren't for the different music and the title that the font makes look misspelled, I'd say this was the same level. Okay, it does change quickly, but for the past three levels, the area outside the elevator has been very samey. This is effectively some kind of mutant in-fighting area. I believe the implication is that the scientists are seeing what happens if they're not fed in closed quarters. What makes some of these areas weird is that there's a lot of blood walls going on. A lot.

M3F7:
The level starts off innocently enough. Another area around the elevator, followed by a large empty corridor. A single guard for roughly half the level's space. The secret area in here isn't very impressive either. You've got one room, contained inside the hallway, with some scientists. Still not a problem. Then it goes off the deep end.

You've got the central room, which is an X inside a box, we've got too many turrets, aliens of all kinds that pop out of containers, and we're just getting started. North is a vault filled with ammo, health and points items. Its laid out in such a way that you're guaranteed to miss something on the first try. There are guards here, but they're not annoying. South is a very neatly laid out series of walls designed so you're never sure if you missed something until everything is dead. Oh...

M3F8:
Why yes, the same starting layout. Corridor around elevator, followed by big looping hallway, with interior rooms and a door to the eastern half of the level. Office buildings tend to have boring layouts, I know, but this isn't supposed to be an office building. I clear out the northern half of the starting section and when I reach the southern half...well...more sadism. Scientists in a quasi-closed room with turrets and an unknown amount of enemies in containers.

The rest of the level is rather mundane at this point, although there were two points of interest. An autopsy-looking room just drenched in blood. And the southern area full of enemies is also full of barrels and radioactive goo. Its not very interesting otherwise

M3F9:
What? A new song? Its actually good? The level design discourages returning to the area with Dr. Goldfire? Both Goldfire and the boss die rather quickly. Is this level actually fun? Not really, after that the level just sort of happens until I reach the level exit, return, find the secret with the red key, and enter the next level.

M3F10:
I can't remember if I heard this Skyroads sounding music before or not. This level has no secrets, its just a jaunt into the middle of the map, grab some treasure, then leave. It doesn't really feel like a secret...or even interesting. Probably why I forgot to take a screenshot.

Next time...Mission 4. I'm going to have so much fun with that one.

This Session: 2.5 hours

Total Time: 23.5 hours

Highlander - Last of the MacLeods: Back from the Dead

 Its not often I handle current events on this blog. I know what you're thinking. "Current events, Morpheus, you're talking about a Highlander game. That franchise hasn't been relevant since the '90s at best. Has your mind finally snapped?" Because Highlander - Last of the MacLeods has for around 25 years been thought of as a Jaguar (Jag-war) CD exclusive. There are four games relevant to this project on that console. Two of those are enhanced remakes of games on other consoles, so who really cares? The other two, this and Battlemorph...are...well...I can't say I ever really cared one way or the other about playing them. This one looked nice, because I'm a fan of Alone in the Dark/Resident Evil styled games. But I had made my peace about not ever playing it, I had better things to do, like learning Japanese for Doctor Hauzer. Wait a minute, I don't need to do that anymore...uh...well, I still need to do that for other reasons.
You see, the thing about the Jaguar CD, if you're unfamiliar with it, is that it is probably the worst console of all time. It was a bad selling add-on to a bad selling console. There are only 13 games for the system, half of which are ports of PC games, and only 5 are not ports in general. Because of this, nobody really wanted to emulate the console except as a challenge. And the best part, the system itself is notoriously hard to run. As of ten years ago, most of them refused to boot up. Not laser issues, not connection issues, it literally refused to run*. Ten years ago. I'm sure the next decade will see the rest of the systems die, if they're not already dead.
With all that, it was easy to suspect the reason for the games not appearing on other consoles is due to Atari ponying up some sweet, sweet cash to a few companies. Then...an alpha for Highlander on the PC came out the other day. Which means the reason why it didn't come out is that they ran out of money. I wonder what could have ever caused that. Of course, it also means I have no one but myself to rely on for assistance if it breaks down. Actually, that's not entirely true...

HOW TO GET IT RUNNING:
Despite being distributed in a ZIP file, you need to have the thing mounted as a disc. It won't work if you don't properly install it. That is some dedication to copy-protection. Sound doesn't work straight off, but the only way I could get it working is via some kind of Russian black magic. In fact, if WERTA over at Old Games Russia didn't have a video with working audio and I never thought to ask him, this would have been played soundless. Starts off slow, but it runs like a charm otherwise.

The game starts off with a weird cinematic before the menu starts, then one explaining the game's premise, then another one explaining the backstory once you start the game. This I suspect was taken from the animated series, and is very low quality. The only evidence I have for this is the big title card from that show appearing. I'm really glad I have the sound for this generic five-second loop of swelling orchestral music. Really making my day. Oh, the menu is another five-second loop. I've heard worse sound, but not in a commercial video game made after the invention of decent sound cards.

I'd get a later shot, but whenever I press anything it skips

There's another long cutscene explaining the game, something about an evil immortal burning down a village containing the last hidden member of the MacLeods and only other immortal. I don't care about the plot too much, since this is based off a Saturday morning cartoon that lasted maybe a season. Its not a high bar to begin with. The game starts off with the usual bad gameplay choice, an enemy charging after the player. Judging by the reception of this game, this was a bad choice. Fighting defensively against someone with superior reach is bad, and you are going to be doing so starting off with no idea on how to play this. Chances are, this is where most people would give up. But the first time I defeated the guy I had less than half health, not ideal.
 

But its during one of my attempts while screwing around with getting sound to work that I discover something amazing. The combat system? Its not nearly as bad as the reviews would have you think. The hand-to-hand combat isn't ideal, certainly, but its a far cry from being completely defenseless. Without a sword, the player is mostly weaker than the roaming enemies, but as they're charging, when they jump, if you time it right, you can hit them with a jumping kick and boom, they're dead. Its poetry in motion. Although this time I don't do it perfectly, him dealing a little damage in the process.

Walking over the guy's corpse reveals bread, a useless map, and a note. Interesting, but useless, as it just tells me that the guard is supposed to drive me towards the other one, as there's another guarding the gate. He has another note, which is just guard the rear gate. Both of these are signed by Arak, Eternal Power to Kortan, and this plan works. Here's the problem, the way the game is set up, this works perfectly, and the player is killed by the guards. This is the start. Is it any wonder this game didn't sell if this is what happens? The only people who played it, well, it killed off their interest. Sure, I'm having fun, but I went in with the expectation of it not possibly being that bad. Its not, but how many people are going to bother figuring out the controls? Hell, everyone else was doing this on the Jaguar controller, how bad is that thing? This isn't supposed to be some difficult game right? Put in a damn training section!

Anyway, in the area is a hut, next to all the burned ones. Its got a chest inside.

Kick, kick, guess its locked...

Reaching the chest makes this cutscene appear. As an aside, I'm glad I'm currently using the Home key as a screenshot function, because using Ctrl+F5 would be hell. The cutscenes skip as soon as a button is pressed. Also continuing are the five-second music loops. They're more like two-second music loops.

Oh, man, this MacLeod is not particularly appealing. Huh, funny, somehow Mr. Carnby looks better.

For example, can you tell where I'm supposed to walk?

There are a couple more huts, one with a piece of bread, and one with a stick. This is exposing what's the real major flaw with this game. Camera and controls. I am not one to shy away from tank controls or "Resident Evil" camera. I think the latter is the only real way to make something effectively cinematic and tank controls are the only effective way to handle that. I have as much of a problem with poor scenery visibility as anyone else. Highlander has that in spades. It is not clear at all where you can walk in some of these shots, which highlights a problem with the movement. Instead of stopping or continuing to walk into the walk, MacLeod turns until he can walk. This is not fun.

A very necessary screenshot for a very necessary location

There's quite a few huts not burned down in this village, I'm starting to think this Arak guy is a joke. Health items, an amulet that starts a FMV. Is this the game's only way of delivering story? ...and then a guy who doesn't seem capable of dying. I dunno, I can't succeed in getting a jumping kick to work against him. There's nothing in the room, though. Finally, outside there's another loaf of bread. This is nice, but these health items are of little use in the middle of combat, since you stop to eat them.

This leads me to the exit, where two guys just murder me. From what I've seen, there's a sniper down the path who'll finish off the job if they don't.

The dying cutscene just has you taken to some dude who...does nothing and the game ends. Don't mistake that screenshot for an attempt at a cinematic, it doesn't end the way you think.

That leaves me with a few options, the necklace is clearly useless, but maybe the stick does something? I can always try that one guy again. Nothing on the chest, but on the back gate, it destroys a lock. Would have been nice to see that lock, but whatever.

There are definitely signs of greatness at times

This...takes me to a path. A long path. Okay, despite the annoying music, the path is very nice and epic feeling. There are two ways, but I head to the stonehedge they have on a hill.

Here, a cutscene happens...and then there's a sword. Muahahahaha! Let's see if those guys can survive a sword!

I'm distracted when I notice the tower I passed on the way out has a staircase up. There's a guard here, but thanks to the fact that I'm lower and he's higher, I get him long before he gets me. He doesn't have anything useful though, just another health item, a map and a note to make a map of the area. This does tell me that the path I just got off of leads back to the front. Interesting.

The guard inside the tent is easy pickings, and I also discover that the AI is using the same turning method I use. Interesting. Very interesting. He falls swiftly to my sword. Then I try to get the two guys at the gate. That...doesn't work in my favor. Each time they just kill me. I can't kill one of them fast enough before the other is upon me. So I take the back path inside. This takes a while.
Here, there are three guards just standing there waiting for me. I take these three as an opportunity to learn how to use the sword. Any cleverness regarding combat seems to have been diminished by the uselessness of some attacks. Not to the extent that Alone in the Dark 2 had, mind, but some moves are rather useless. All of one group of actions seem useless, and you generally want to make as much use of the sword's reach as possible. Still by the last one I have things figured out.

Or so I thought. When I reach the duo guarding the front gate, the one I drag away first is incredibly fast. I was half concerned that he was unkillable until I finished him. You have to perfectly time your attacks to prevent him from counterstriking. The other guard is a joke in comparison. Strange, I wonder why they're so different in skill? No matter, they're dead and that's what's important. I know there's a sniper once I run down the path, but I'm going to save that for next time.

This Session: 2 hours

*At least, that's how it happened for the Angry Video Game Nerd and The Spoony One. People aren't exactly raring to review the thing.

Horse Illustrated: Championship Season

The ultimate riding adventure! Champisonship Season as the game keeps calling itself, despite being the smallest part of the title, is possibly one of the most obscure titles from American budget publisher Head Games. From the second I start the title, I can see that however much I spent on this abomination against good taste was probably too much. From the low-quality company introductions, to the name Radish Works, to the low-quality horse FMV...oh...this is going to be bad.

Now, if you don't know who Head Games are, they were effectively Activision's budget for a period in the late '90s. In practice, they released a LOT of trash, just absolute trash. Mostly sports game, for which they've become known these days, but they also had a hand in a few unofficial FPS expansions. Oh, excuse me, there's a horse talking to me. Don't know who the hell Barney is yet, but he's probably not going to be fun to ride...if anything is...

Of course, actually getting to that point isn't fun either. I dare say the majority of playing time here is spent in what amounts to a weird-ass Myst-clone. I repeat. Horse simulation/Myst-clone game. Just because a sentence hasn't been used in the English language before doesn't mean you should use it. I know nothing about horses, and thus the confusing talking horse, Sylvia, while the most annoying thing ever, is vaguely useful.

Oh, but don't get me wrong, the Myst-clone section isn't fun, not even to my Myst-clone enjoying mind. Find the tack, find the bridle. Oh, you don't know what that is? Too bad. Oh, you weren't paying attention to the one your horse needed? Go back and get it. Remember to wash and care for your horse or you'll lose horse points! You really think I'm going to be here long enough for that to be an issue? Everything is hidden away in some small hidey-hole.

Once I get past that...oh...no...The training section is a trap, at least now. The third message causes the game to hang, because the talking horse's prompt disappears. I mean, this game always had issues with the talking horse, but this feels like it was just broken and never fixed. The two page manual says the controls anyway, and its not exactly hard to figure out. Arrow keys and space, like most games of its kind. By that I mean quick and simple arcade games. There are three events.

The first is Dressage, which is running at a certain speed over a series of dots. This is slightly harder than it sounds. Don't confuse that with fun though.

The second is stadium jumping, which involves jumping over a bunch of set fences. This is both harder and easier than you imagine. You need to be earlier than you might think in order to successfully jump over a fence. This caused me a lot of trouble getting used to, although that was with the final event. When I got to this, I only fell off once or twice.

The final one is cross-country, which I started first. Funny. Its like stadium jumping, except with a lot more space. This was the first event I did, but to be honest, its a tad grueling. In all these there's an announcer who speaks whenever you come to a difficult jump, and goes on whenever you jump over anything, success or failure. He's really annoying.

After that, its cleaning the horse...which is really, really lame. I'm not a horse fan or anything, but the lack of feedback in the game is a crime against good design practices. Its especially a problem when the game says it'll penalize you for screwing things up. I can't wash him? Well, why didn't you mention that? That's the only thing I got. Tell me game!

I might have been inclined to play this for a while, but this game is so unresponsive. Button prompts just don't work half the time and if an item doesn't do anything in a specific situation, it just ignores it and treats it like a normal click. Great...great...great. Let's not talk about the generic music. After finishing up perfectly I had less than 50 horse credits, enough to unlock the next event level. Continuing would require me to do increasingly strange choices of event combination, doing all three nearly perfectly got me 15 points. Playing as a different horse? 150. Curiously, there's evidence to suggestion the creation of a horse in-game, although this seems to have been scrapped.

I do not suggest you play this, even as a joke. Its bizarreness is outweighed by its unplayability. Normal service will return after Christmas.