Wolfenstein 3D: Episode IV

And so we start the prequel trilogy. With each sucessive entry in the Wolfenstein canon, we get closer and closer to the start of the war. If things had kept up, maybe BJ could've been in a mobile game flinging mashed potatoes at baby nazis. I also say now, screw it, I am the Death Incarnate! I doubt I'm going to regret that. This wasn't originally going to be made, but apparently the levels could be pumped out at a rate of one a day. That sounds about right. This episode is about stopping the nazi's chemical warfare campaign. This is a well-researched video game, in case you didn't know.

E4M1, what the...? Really? We needed another image of Hitler in the game? Why would he put that picture anywhere? Come on, you could've done another wall texture. I would've liked that. Sure, we get two new ones in this level, but three would've been better. Another a-MAZE-ing level full of reactive guards. I am pretty sure I killed most of the smart officers of the nazi party halfway through the level.

E4M2, now, don't take this quote as something other than what it is, but I really like the slaughter maps in Wolf. The viscera thrill of hunting down enemies while they might just sneak up behind you is something I actually appreciate in this game. Compared to Doom's sense of relief kiling an enemy, this is more of a sense of power. Your only weapons are rapid fire and the enemies don't take many hits. Secret traps too, as in secrets you can accidently lock off if you aren't careful.

E4M3, this one features a treasure vault, protected by like a hundred guards, SS and officers. We also got nice little layouts where the enemies actually feel like they're patroling something of interest. Sure, some of the layout is confusing and easy to get lost in, but let's keep this positive for a little while.

E4M10, seems like a nice calm level at first. Lots of chalices. A maze of them. I see an officer, I shoot the officer. I hear an alert sound. I see a thousand officers barrel towards me, in these crampled hallways. I die the first time, meaning I'm going to gun these guys all down with a pistol. Well, try. Once. Even with the gatling, it's a difficult task. You've got to control your fire and control their point of entry. Once you start being careful with the ammo and find the secret, its a bit easier.

E4M4, no, you had to go and ruin it. Way too mazey and difficult to move around. There's a big square room full of officers and paintings of Hitler on the wall. Its garish and annoying, it isn't even distracting. Not even a trap in the elevator room could improve the quality of this level.

E4M5, lots of dirt walls. I didn't mind it, at first. This level has too many mazes for its own good. Mazes of barrels, mazes of blocks. That, combined with the necessary secrets make this level less than enjoyable. I'm sensing a theme of this episode having way too many officers. No wonder the Allies won the war, everyone above the rank of lieutenant is probably dead. I'm getting real tired of whatever gibberish German they're saying. That's not a good sign.

E4M6, what is this level? There are tons of officers just hiding out in dead end hallways with nothing in them. It's a real barrel shoot too. The rest of the level is okay. I should mention at this point that there's no real difference between the two locked doors in this game. You can't tell which one is which.

E4M7, this level starts off with some speedrunning potential. If you kill the two officers in the starting area, the guards in the locked room wake up, letting you jam open the door with their corpses. Its starting to seem like the difficulty in this game at this setting doesn't come from anything beyond placing a million officers in-between you and the exit.

E4M8, this one starts you off with eight officers behind you, an almost certain death if you aren't prepared for it. I died. Pistol starting this level is annoying. You basically have to force the enemies here and in the surrounding rooms into coming through the door. Very annoying. Then you have to go through a gauntlet of deaf officers. Whoever tested this level must've been hardcore. And a secret that just loops back into the level. That'd be nice if this were Doom for a deathmatch.

E4M9, another boss. There's a real nasty trap on this floor involving a horde of SS and officers. You don't really need to deal with them. There's nothing preventing you from just going straight to the boss. The boss, Otto Giftmacher uses a rocket launcher, but projectiles in this game are a joke and he goes down with a full ammo count.

Death Count:30
Score:743900

I feel like each new episode brings me nothing but disappointment.