Game 20: Night Stalker

Name:Night Stalker
Number:20
Year:1982
Publisher:Mattel
Developer:Mattel
Genre:Top-Down Shooter
Difficulty:3/5
Time:Under an hour

Normally, the time up there is an indicator that I haven't really played this much. Not true, I'm an avid fan of the six or so really good Intellivision games, this, Astrosmash, Bombsquad, Utopia, some others I forget the names of. There's a problem with any Intellivision game in that they'll get tiring really quickly and I'll forget about them for long periods of time. I guess there's another problem, only a problem if its 2020 and you just download this crap off the internet without paying any attention to what you're doing. The Intellivision controller was unique. Four buttons on the side, a keypad in the middle and a rotating disc in the bottom. This is a lot better than it sounds. Keep in mind this is before anyone had the bright idea to put two sticks on your controller or anything that didn't look like it came straight out of the arcades. There were these overlays that went into the keypad, telling you what to do. This meant that you could shoot in one direction and move in another. Although here that's not quite the case.

Now, Night Stalker, no relation to the TV series, is a game about some guy trapped in a maze with a bunch of deadly robots, spiders and bats. The objective is to get the highest score. You do this, of course, by killing things. You can't just start blasting away, no, you have to find the gun first. The first time on any life, this happens right in front of the bunker you start in. The bunker is a nigh indestructible bunker. After, it appears randomly, anywhere from a safe-ish corridor to right in front of the robots spawning point.

The main gameplay loops consists of you getting the gun, lining up your shot carefully, and trying to avoid your enemy's errant shots. The energy blasts move slightly faster than the player, which makes lining shots up tricky. That's ultimately where you'll love or hate this game. As you score higher, the enemy robot becomes stronger, and sometimes more of them show up. From taking more damage to becoming clever to ultimately being able to destroy the bunker. I think I've only ever seen that once. The non-robot enemies are not lethal, they only stun you. Eventually the bats make way for more robots.

Weapons:
There's only the one weapon, the gun. Holds six shots and generally feels good...for 1982, but still good nonetheless. 2/10

Enemies:
As I mentioned, the enemies ramp up as you score higher. I think this functions as a good learning curve, and as a warm-up when you know what you're doing. 4/10

Non-Enemies:
There are none. 0/10

Levels:
One, never-ending level. 1/10

Player Agency:
While I generally like how the controls are set up, I do have some issues. I'm not in love with having to stay still to fire and I'm even less in love with sometimes accidentally taking a turn when I meant to go straight. 3/10

Interactivity:
There really isn't any. 0/10

Atmosphere:
The almost constant sounding of a machine's deep drones plus the spooky looking walls give off a weird feeling of being trapped in a weird cave. Yet, the cover art shows a man-made maze. With an open sky. Huh. 4/10

Graphics:
The design has all the typical Intellivision designs, particularly in the humans. Everything is visually distinct, but nobody is going to confuse this with something visually interesting. 2/10

Story:
The backstory, while well-written, is a couple of paragraphs. 0/10

Sound/Music:
If you've ever heard what an Intellivision sounds like, its exactly like that. If you haven't, its low-bit sounds that usually succeed in making explosions and thunder. 1/10

That is 17. Which, as of now, makes it the best game until 1989. I do not think it'll hold that title for too long, however. Just a hunch.

Users on Mobygames gave it a 3.7 out of 5. Which makes sense, if you are someone who rates Intellivision games on Mobygames, you are going to like Night Stalker. There are no contemporary reviews listed on Moby, but we do have some modern ones. These range from basically my sentiments to "Berzerk, but worse". Curiously, there's a version for the Atari 2600 called Dark Cavern, which drew further comparisons with Wizard of Wor.
Meanwhile, users of GameFAQs rated it slightly higher at 3.9 out of 5. Their choice of difficulty echoes my own, but somehow they figure a game session to be 7 hours and some of them somehow completed this. This neverending arcade style shooter. Uh...okay.

Jurassic Park: Dino Defender: The Future is in Your Hands

Nothing like a game you're excited about for the last of one year and the first of another. Finally got Myst IV, so now I can begin the end of that great saga of adventure games...oh, and I guess this thing too. At least I can cross this game off my unfinished list. Its not that I'm dedicated to finishing all games I've ever played, but it is better that way. I'm not doing this because of that, I'm doing it because I figure survival horror games deserve to be with your regular shooters. I have loose standards for survival horror games. Any action game with a tight controlled amount of ammo & health and adventure game puzzles fits. No matter how little that limit is. Its definitely like Alone in the Dark in a lot of respects. You've got combat, much less difficult combat than to be expected. Platforming that no sane person would ever make if they had any talent*. Puzzles that are usually less difficult than perceived.

Right, pteranodon** or whatever knocked me down last time. For some reason there's a path to my right that is blocking me. I hear them. Lovely. The little ones. Now, where are they? Are they up he-

Can you hear that? That's the sound of exactly where I gave up before. This thing is going to get me even if its the last thing it does. And it doesn't seem like there's any escape. Climbing over the spot where he swoops does let me through, but going to the next screen kills me.

After some trickery, it turns out he can't get me on any climb, I reach the "compsognathus" dinosaurs. The little ones. These fear me, which is good, because I fear them more. A choice placement of the supply box and they're gone, but I'm still screwed. I go left, more fun with the pteranodon, if I go right, I fall to my death.

The answer turned out to be up my alley. Mad jumping dash from the top cliff. A few lucky jumps and I'm through. Another mad run into a wall...fortunately outside of the pteran's reach, and into a crawlspace.

Given the flying dinosaur's bloodlust for me, I suspect this is another trap. I won't be able to stop him until I reach the high ground where a supply box lies. Oh, this is going to suck. Lower area, fall to my death. Why is it even there, then?

Is this a trap? I check, carefully. Its not. Is the box a trap? No. You know, how do they even keep the flying dinosaurs? Surely they can fly away now, if not before. Huh. Jurassic Park is unrealistic. I never knew that.

Little ones. So I'm just an intruder here? Great. These prove to not harm me in any way, but their momma is up top, eager to feed her young. Very tricky. You watch her fly past, then enter the next screen, she jumps you. You rush past, she follows you in a way that prevents you from stunning her. That's actually clever now.

Wanna know how I did it? Mad dash, then jump into the wall. The pteranodon just flies right up. That's stupid. It'd never work in real life. You then crouch, so on her next attempt she misses you, then the call box followed by the stunner. I don't feel clever, I feel like I cheated somehow. To get up to the next power box you have to take a running jump off the upper ledge there. Because up takes stuff from supply boxes. Unnecessary.

I guess now we find out if that pteranodon is the same one from the start.

Oh, there's going to be some better ending for getting all the dinosaurs. The area to the right just contained a single "velociraptor" in an easily captured area. This part here can shove right off. If you treat it like some challenging series of falling rocks, you'll likely fail. Its actually really lame. No matter what size the rock is, you get hit in one single location. This location is only where the little stones fall. Meaning, they chose poorly when they made their action game with Macromedia.

Ooo, I smell another pteranodon. Hang on, there's not a big one here. Don't tell me...
A trap? Not even a little bit. I didn't get any shots of it, but on the next screen there's a rock bridge that falls if you walk on it. The developers being clever fellows, thought that making the bridge collapse on the other end too would make a bit of challenge. They're right, but do remember this is superficially a children's educational game. Knowledge Adventure, not actually any knowledge.

You know, if I'm getting this antsy about a pteranodon, I should have gone back and checked. There's only two on this level...Only, the game doesn't always tell you what enemies you'll face. The little pteranodons chase after me as I climb down a series of precarious cliffs. Are there even any baby animals who will chase a bigger animal that's running away from them? Oh, yeah...

T-Rex, now we're cooking with gas. I know what the next level will be about.

Children's educational game for 6/7/8+. Ol' king dino here is very annoying. Any attempt at trying to get past him turns to failure. Waiting, going down, hanging on the left ledge. Almost to the point where I give up, I finally get past him. You see, when you go down, if you go down in the wrong place, the T-Rex gets you. When you think you can go down, you need to go right, then go down. There are six levels here, they sure are trying their best to make them last.

Straight from 2 to four power boxes. Interesting choice. Once you get down there doesn't seem to be an imminent threat.

This guy, of course, isn't imminent. He's just waiting for you. Looking for you. He waits a lot. After a while, I thought he was alerted by sound or something clever. No, just a long timer.

Wow, an hour and a half on what's essentially twenty screens. They really got the most out of these. Not in a good way.

Oh, look, its the entrance to Jurassic Park. Cool.

Oh, no, its a T-Rex. I didn't see that coming. How horrible. Will I survive this unexpected turn of events? Tune in next time.

*I say this as actually liking Lester the Unlikely.
**That's what the game says they are. Who am I to judge?

Game 19: 3D Defender

Name:3D Defender
Number:19
Year:1981
Publisher:JK Greye Software
Developer:Malcolm Evans
Genre:Space Sim
Difficulty:4/5
Time:Under 1 hour

I know I shouldn't give up on a game before an hour is up, but I have to be honest, at a certain point I just don't care anymore. The game is unplayable today. The only reason why it was playable then was because there weren't any other options for the ZX81. By 1986 standards, this game is unplayable, by my standards this game is unplayable, by the standards of Joe Average, this is akin to tossing them in the loony bin and locking the door behind them.

One of the things we take for granted in any flight or space sim is a set of keys that corrispond with a particular section of the plane's controls. Rudders, wings, jets. 3D Defender has about five keys dedicated to going left and up. For what purpose, I do not know, nor will I ever find out. My entire time spent playing this game involved flailing around desperately trying to hit something. That is not what a Space Sim should involve. I shouldn't lack the precision to hit anything at all.

Weapons:
Basic shooting, some kind of laser. 1/10

Enemies:
Basic enemies, generic UFOs. 1/10

Non-Enemies:
Presumably, somewhere. I never noticed any. To be fair, I couldn't control the plane very well. They're probably the typical Defender stuff, so items, in essence. 0/10

Levels:
A featureless white plane. 0/10

Player Agency:
I'm a big advocate on reading the manual. Here's the thing, I don't think the manual would've saved me too much. By the time I finished I had a good idea of what I was doing, and none of it involved actually hitting anything. It would take me a long time to succeed in doing so, and for what? 0/10

Interactivity:
I don't think so. 0/10

Atmosphere:
Its 1981. They hadn't thought of that in video games yet. 0/10

Graphics:
It looks very nice for black & white on an all text screen. I mean that. Everything looks like it should. You'll just have to take my word for it, the online emulator I used produced some bad screenshots. 1/10

Story:
Its Defender. Aliens invade, you save civilians. 0/10

Sound/Music:
None. 0/10

You don't need a math degree for this one. 3. 3. 3. It'd take some effort to make a game worse than this one. I mean that.
This game was apparently mail order. I suspect there's no reading into that, just their business model. Malcolm Evans was responsible for two more JK Grey Software games, 3D Monster Maze and Breakout. Monster Maze being an early Maze-clone. JK Grey Software would cease to exist after 1981, presumably they couldn't attract any Spectrum programmers. Evans would go onto making a few Spectrum games, including some eye-searing early 3D games I won't be covering. Mobygames lists no magazines as having reviewed this.

Next, we'll be seeing some more of Dino Defender and some Intellivision games.

Jurassic Park III: Dino Defender: For Kids, With Horror

For Christmas, I wanted to do something a little bit different. Dino Defender, is on its surface, a platformer about rounding up dinosaurs. If that sounds weird to you, its because it is. Dino Defender is a cinematic platformer. Its like Prince of Persia or Another World, except with dinosaurs and no real shooting*. Instead you trap dinosaurs that have escaped. Because trapping something that wants to kill you is for everyone 6+. No, I'm sorry, ages 8+. Wait, there's a note for parents in the manual, it says the game is for 7+ but the movies are 13+. I'm sorry, could you have a consistent age rating for this game, even if it is "lighter" than the movies? I guess the ESRB rating is unavoidable, but could the guy doing the manual and the guy doing the cover maybe consult each other if there's an age rating?
This is a game I have a personal memories of. Of starting out and dying horribly. I think that's probably why I liked Resident Evil 4 much more than I was supposed to at an age before I should have played it. This game is probably why I have a fear of dinosaurs, that, and the movie, Tomb Raider. For me, dinosaurs weren't cool dead animals, it was good that they were dead animals. I've never finished this, a combination of difficulty, being scared by dinosaurs, and having games that didn't make me cower in fear.

GETTING IT TO RUN:
Works fine in Wine. Except for the menus which lag like crazy. How can something lag that much? Made with Macromedia is how. Great compatibility with Macintosh back in the day, but runs like crap today. I'm impressed this is running at all. A lot of old games made in engines like these refuse to start up at all. It also notices whenever I mouse over anything, even if I'm in a text document on top of it.

The game starts off with a tutorial that explains how the game works, which I've already explained. Climb up, climb down, don't fall too far or you'll break your legs and become dino chow. Also, the man narrating this game sounds very educational game voice actor.

The story is that winds of 135 MPH have destroyed the fences at Jurassic Park and taken out the power. The dinosaurs have gotten loose and now you have to restore power and maybe recapture them. Recapture is the side objective. What do you expect? There's only one plot in Jurassic Park and its always about the dinosaurs escaping. How does this place stay in business if there are this many failures? I don't hear about all the animals escaping in the Bronx Zoo every other year. Who would be dumb enough to visit this place?

This is the first thing you see on a proper mission. Children love running from things that will devour them

The game doesn't screw around either, right away you get charged by little dinosaurs. These guys sure are a character. To recapture them, you have two items, a call box, which attracts the dumb dinos, and a capture pod, which captures them. The capture pod here is a net. After you capture them, they sure are struggling to get out, almost as noisy as when they aren't captured.

The real goal of the game is to reactivate the circuit breakers. To reactivate power after the power lines are taken out. How they work without any power lines is best left to the reader's imagination because nobody developing this game thought about it. Knowledge Adventure, we aren't actually here to teach you anything, your parents just want brief moments of silence.

With the next group of escapees, I repeat the obvious tactic, drop a call box inside, then throw a capture pod at them. The capture pods for these guys flies in a straight arc. Wonderful. So, like a smart person, I go to the edge of the rock and hit down, which is how I crouch, and while crouching I can use the call box. The call box and the capture pod use the same key, lazy devs. I climb down.

Children's game. You know, I think I had a bit of a high tolerance back in the day, I saw Watership Down as a child and the only thing wrong with me now is trying to sell Jurassic Park: Dino Defender as some kind of horror game. Anyway, doing it properly this time, I knock them out. That's what the capture pods for these things do. Not even tying them up, just putting them to sleep...Moving on I get a "puzzle" involving a boulder.

Oh, gees, now its underwater. Two paths, one through a jellyfish that will no doubt kill me or up a wall full of dinosaurs that will no doubt kill me. That's great. Well, the jellyfish don't kill me, they just sap my air when I'm underwater. There's also some living seaweed that does the same. I don't remember this. Checking the back of the jewel case, I see that there's going to be secret treasure caches in the game. JOY. TO. THE. WORLD. Furthering this sentiment, this is the level exit. I'm missing a power box. Back upstairs...

Whoever's in charge of the art direction here never heard of making easy to understand paths. This is the first level in a children's game. Where the hell did I screw up? I'm lost as to where I find the second box. My helpful info screen also tells me I'm missing one of the human-sized raptors. I go back, maybe I missed something. I did, I shouldn't have so much time between starting and finishing. Well, the last dino can roam free for now, I'm out of here.

The level is finished by a short cutscene in which I walk and then fall down a hole created by an earthquake. That somehow feels completely unnecessary and necessary at the same time.

Nice, not starting off about to be eaten by dinosaurs. The music is now some generic movie chase music. I'd check if its from the movie, but I don't think that matters in the grand scheme of things. There's some tiny dinosaur here, somewhere. So to advance, you climb across stalagmites, and then I chose to jump down to a rock to push it off. Leading to my death. There's a cutscene to falling to your death down an infinite hole, but not if you fall too far inside the level. Quality work guys.

This level involves a whole lot of climbing. Up-down rock spires, up-down ledges. Now, in this picture there are two climbing spires. You might be thinking that I should jump to the one in the center and then climb down it? Wrong. Fall to my death because nobody on this team knew how to program climbing onto something from the side. Artistic decision, you might say? I think that's wrong, for two reasons, 1)Children's game, this isn't The Red Balloon. 2)Exactly how is it an artistic choice to do this?

At the bottom, there's just some of the tiny dinosaurs. They have a name, I can see that name, I just don't care. I deal with them like I expected the game to place them. At the bottom of the area. Then I see a power box and an elevator. Hmm, this smells like a trap. I think it was, in fact. Silly me, not remembering most of this game so far except where the jump scares happen.

Hey, look at that! I'm right. What do I win? Nothing. Well, an elevator ride. Manual controls this elevator. Up and down move it. I just realized my character still sounds like he's stepping on grass. I don't think I've stepped on grass this whole game. Another handy repeat with another raptor, this time trying to hide outside of my sight. I am very much in hate of this music. That sounds random, but keep in mind I write most of these playthroughs** with the game in the background. Currently I am listening to generic chase music as background music. This is only passable if something intense is going on in the foreground of the sound department, like people franticly getting away from dinosaurs, not the clicky-clack of keys being pressed. There is only one volume, if I even had the choice to turn it off.

Another raptor trying to hide out of my sight. He jumps down, and what do you know? The straight shooting arc of this species capture pod is a boon after all. Nothing else of note in this lower cavern, but there is a crawlspace.

Oh, good. Is this a puzzle or is this a test of reflexes? Puzzle, or very bad hit detection. Yeah, it could be either of those things. Now what's on floor no. 3?

...Well, I can't say that isn't a realistic placement. He gets me the first time, then I stumble in a hole a few times. This isn't exactly Prince of Persia here. Back on the surface, free to explore to my hearts content. What wonders will I find on the next screen?

WHY!? Behind this the level exit. Oh, so it is very bad hit detection. GOOD JOB. No, you have to run over the stones. It doesn't matter if you hit them or not, just as long as you do a running jump. This level man, this level.

I beat the level and get knocked down by a pterodactyl. Will I survive? Will I quit in disgust as it becomes apparent that this game is terrible and nobody should ever play it? Will I soften up as it becomes better?

*If you don't know what I mean, instead of unrealistic jumping, the PC has a short jumping height and can climb up/down ledges.
**Or text Let's Plays, if you so prefer.

Game 17: Bram Stoker's Dracula

Name:Bram Stoker's Dracula
Number:16
Year:1993
Publisher:Psygnosis
Developer:TAG
Genre:FPS
Difficulty:4/5
Time:14 hours

If you've ever asked yourself what would happen if you asked the man behind a Dungeon Master-clone to make an action game based on a movie, first, what's wrong with you? Second you've got this thing. Bram Stoker's Dracula for DOS is what happens when you take Dungeon Master, strip out all the RPG parts, make it slightly more 3D and then slap some shooting in. You know exactly what you're getting into with that statement and exactly what you'll get out of it. There's not some grand statement you can make about it in favor or against. So, I guess I have to explain the little things for those who neither love nor hate Dungeon Master.

Dracula commits one of the worst sins a game can commit. It starts off terribly. You start off in a ugly forest wandering around for who knows how long, sometimes killing some things, wondering what you have to do. You find a basement you can't advance. You find another door, it doesn't open. The game trains you to click on things when you're just on the edge of them. This door needs you to be very close. Then the game opens up into what will be the next 12 or so hours, depending on your ability. Why? Well, I doubt this game was very well-tested. It functions well, but there's not that little nagging voice of accessibility that so many enjoy. Its polished just enough that it won't break on you.

Beyond the elements of combat, gameplay is done between doors and keys, and puzzles involving buttons and pressure plates. This isn't the most interesting way of doing things in theory but over the course of the game there was enough variation to keep me going. I never really felt I was doing the same thing over and over again except during a chain of keys on the first level. I guess that makes this the first puzzle FPS. I guess Portal only has the companion cube and memes to it now.

Weapons:
You have two weapons, a knife, which hits about as well as any random person hitting a knife at a vampire does. Badly. I don't think that's intention, and even if it is, they should have mentioned it. This is a licensed game, I'm going to be assuming you aren't that clever. A gun, which shoots like some kind of John Wick* frenzy. They're ultimately not very enjoyable to use. 1/10

Enemies:
You basically have four enemies, two that take two stabs, one that takes three, another you always use a gun on and Dracula. They change forms between levels, but they are always the same. They function the same except for their damage capacity. Special note should be given to the holy wafers, which destroy coffins. Enemies respawn out of coffins until the coffins are destroyed. This adds some strategy to the fighting. 3/10

Non-Enemies:
None. 0/10

Levels:
On the surface, there are three levels. It doesn't sound impressive at first. Each level is massive, with multiple floors. Where it fails, however, is in part of the contents. Because of the wafer system, you are forced to pick and choose which enemy to kill at the moment, and leave the others for later. After you open up a level a bit it is quite difficult to figure out where you left the coffins, considering each level is a good four/five hours. More if you die. 5/10

Player Agency:
The QWEASDZXC cluster controls moving and turning, the mouse controls how you interact with things and where you point your weapon. On its surface, there's nothing wrong with how the game functions. It is essentially a RPG control scheme adapted to an action game. What is a problem is your habit of getting stuck on things. Enemies, walls, these constantly block your path even when it looks like they shouldn't. 5/10

Interactivity:
There's honestly quite a lot of stuff to screw around with, even if you have to screw around with it in the right way in order to win a puzzle. Pressure plates, switches, buttons, doors. Half the game involves something like that and the other half still involves interacting with the environment. 7/10

Atmosphere:
Its got a nice gothic atmosphere. Not amazing or even great, but its rare enough that good is impressive. 5/10

Graphics:
The same wall textures throughout a level, the same floor and ceiling textures throughout the game. Oh, and I love three frames of animation. Its just wonderful. They're certainly well-made graphics, but ultimately the best graphics will become boring if you see them for fourteen hours. 3/10

Story:
Its the movie if you care about the movie and if you don't you're just shooting the undead to save Mina or whatever from Dracula's curse. Everyone knows how Dracula ends. An adaption of a film that's truer to the text isn't going to throw a twist ending at you. What is disappointing is the bland ending, just a modified version of the title. We only get text if we die. Should have been the other way around. I guess they figured no one would get that far. 1/10

Sound/Music:
The music was nice. Very moody, very synthy. A very synthy orchestral-like pieces in most places. I noticed that the main themes seem to be the same, but I didn't listen to much of the soundtrack to see if there were any other similarities. I could see myself listening to it outside of the game. 7/10

That's a total of 37. Terrible start, okay finish, but solid middle. Once you get past the early bumpiness you're in for some pretty decent action.

Meanwhile, generic users on Mobygames have rated this 2.9 out of 5 stars. They feel the strongest elements are the AI and the story, which have a 3.6 and a 3.3. Multiple people thought that a game where the enemies only walk towards you was worthy of a 4. They don't have good pathfinding. The story is also only told in the manual and by dying. Everything else is more or less a 2.9. I'm going to give these anonymous people some crap, and say that they only got as far as partially through the first level. There's basically no story or AI there too, so I have to wonder where they got that from. What exactly does it take to get a 5 or a 1 from you?

So, what did professional reviewers think of it back in the day? Dragon, a magazine known for giving every game 5 stars, gave it 2 stars. The reviewer's complaints, outside of repetitive gameplay are mostly regulated to having pathetic 3D graphics**, slow speed, inadequate interface and difficulty picking up items. The rest of his review only mentions the starting forest and that the enemies get progressively tougher. I'm guessing he gave up at the point I originally did, and his review reflects that.
Computer Gaming World on the other hand, didn't give it a rating but seems to have been written by a similarly inclined reviewer. Calling Dracula's claim to having an incredible and unique character control system neither of those. Calling it the same as Wolfenstein and Ultima Underworld. He used the mouse exclusively. I'm going to wager that nobody could beat the game using the mouse exclusively, because moving with the mouse is terrible. Left-click to move so you can interact and move at the same time. Same basic complaints, repetitive gameplay. Apparently the manual is crap though.
The rest of the reviews Mobygames lists are in languages I don't understand, and through a translator understand even less. I can pick up a few other things though, a lot of mentions of Wolfenstein and Shadowcaster. Shadowcaster is a good comparison, since Shadowcaster is this, but much better.

Finally, I have to add that there was a scoring system. I did not record my end score, but it was something like 105,000. I don't find a high score in this game to be very impressive, instead, I think a low score would be more so. Infinitely respawning enemies just tests your patience, while getting the lowest score means you killed as little enemies as necessary.

Stay tuned for a spooky game...you know...if you're nine.

*Get it, 'cause Keanu Reeves did John Wick...and the Matrix now that I think of it. Funny now.
**I'm ultimately not sure what his problem is here. They're not good, but they're not exactly bad for a 1993 licensed title.

Bram Stoker's Dracula: Dead Again

Its time to finish Dracula once and for all.

Oh, right, this. Hmm...I see a solution to this. Divide and conquer. Drag them out, wafer their coffins.

That didn't work as well as I wanted. Just have to fiddle with my dagger again and-

Wow, this area is just full of enemies. We're nearing 10 already. Getting congested. This isn't going to be an easy fight back. Ah, stairs.

Wafers. A joy to behold, but a big caution in my mind. Do I go back, wagering that retreating will be to my advantage? Do I go forward, wagering that the way forward will provide more wafers? If only someone else had documented their journey through here. Unfortunately, I'm like the four guy not on the dev team to finish this.

So, I go forward. This area is a quick area. Four enemies, two brides, two wolves. Thanks to lucky movement and luck in resurrection timing, I do so in a minimum of fuss and muss. Another night key. Astute readers will now note that I'm almost exactly where I was in regards to enemies a moment ago, except now I also have to wander back through a maze of enemies I can't kill in a moment. We're really padding out that time, there, eh, TAG?

Still, I clean out the way back. Effectively too, with a minimum loss of ammo. Two wafers to spare. Two brides inside. I'm trying to wager that there's more wafers inside. If there's not, well, what's another fight with a bride? Nothing. More bullets and food inside. I've never exactly been hurting for the stuff this level. Back to the garden...

I make my way to one of the corridors which has a series of appearing and disappearing pressure plates. Some sequence or another opens a pillar, leading to two brides and a ruby key. Two keys up here, three corridors. Could've been a good opportunity to put in some wafers, but no, we have the starve the player brutally now.

Door no 4. There are no bets about whether or not I'll be starved of wafers here either, because that's not a fair bet. I'll get a single pack, I'll be forced to use all of them in this area, and I'll have to try to draw out all the enemies in Dracula's Sanctum and be bitter about it until I play Isle of the Dead. I dance inside as I usually dance when forced to fight against enemies I can't kill. A door that needs a button, a mad dash into it, trying to close curtains behind me...failing. And the discovery of wafers. As it turns out, the screenshot here could take place either before or after I get the wafers here.

This seems to be a series of plates that I don't know what it does and buttons that I do. All I know is that the curtains T-corridor is in fact a spinning corridor. One of the buttons switched that, another removed a pillar, and now I stare down a bride on top of a pressure plate. What could possibly go wrong? Everything? Yeah, I bet everything. It moves a pillar, the path blocked by the pillar reveals to me a single wafer, thanks, and a night key. That means that was everything here and now I have to find out what to do next. See if the Sanctum has any wafers or the garden.

What's this? Why, the Sanctum appears to be bigger on the inside. And a leisurely stroll through as well. Empty, save for a few brides and a magazine. Let's see what's in the garden part of the Sanctum? Also leisurely. A crystal key that opens a lock nearby. This is suspicious. Very suspicious.

Just another bride, nothing else. Don't have a wafer right now. Upstairs, to the inner sanctum. Very open, some cheese and...

WHY? WHY ON THE FLOOR? WHY SO MANY? ARRGH! This is presumably where I'll kill Dracula. Beyond what you see, there's also some bullets lying around. This will be very convenient for me. A button, I presume this does nothing now? Now, to finish some things off. The bride I just left, and there are 14 monsters up in the outer garden. I think with the ones I've already killed that's 16. 16 monsters I was expected to come back to. Make no mistake, that was come back to.

Honestly, with each other corridor having 2-3 monsters this floor is a real mess. I get densely packing your maps and I get wanting to make a challenge, but I don't feel strongly about starving your players of vital resources for so long. Fortunately, I can go to town now. I guess I really don't feel strongly about it, since I do admit that once you can let loose it feels pretty good. Now, to deal with...

...three? Dracula's not in three coffins...damn it. Where did I screw up? Second door I opened...Lady next to some key or another at the time, two to go. Where's no. 2? And a werewolf in the garden above. Time to fight Dracula.

I'm guessing this is the weird hairdo Dracula from the movie. Time to unload.

Wolf form, doing good. Some more bullets...

Back into a man, let's finish this. He's down...the wall graphics are changing?

...I expected a crappy text screen. Somehow, my expectations were broken despite being as low as I thought possible. I guess that's Christmas saved then or something. Look, if you want something cleverer you'll have to wait for a game that doesn't have a crappy ending.