Next time you're playing through a game and go like, man this is boring, I want to point out that the selling-point of the Jaguar CD requires you to go across a canyon multiple times in order to win. A canyon, that takes around 4 minutes to traverse.
So, what's after the gate? Two guys. Fun fact, you can get kicked across the desert via damage. Did I say fun? I meant to say annoying as all hell. This place is ugly too, and the soundtrack, well, you should probably be glad you aren't ever going to hear that.
This room is confusingly laid out, and the map the guards dropped is not helpful. I soon find a bridge with some rungs missing. I try one jump, and fail. This shows me a cutscene and returns me a little earlier, just with health missing. Not the worst thing the game has done, considering its making me do platforming with these controls. After looking around the previous room and finding nothing, I realize I really am supposed to make that jump. First hole fine, I can just barely make it. Now the next one...
You tell me, can you tell where the void begins and the wooden planks end? Didn't think so. This jump's supposed to be handled with a running start, which is fair...if there was ever any indication that I got a horizontal boost by doing that. I spend a few minutes trying to get across by precision jumping. The annoying part is it actually seems like you can do it that way by regular jumping.
The next part jumps right out at me. I think this is the first time I've been hit by a jump scare on this blog. This guy's like a proto-Hunter, from Resident Evil. He charges, he hits me. Now the funny thing is, unlike in Resident Evil, I have relatively good melee combat skills. If Jill Valentine could swing around a sword like in this game, it'd be a lot easier. This guy never really lands a follow-up attack.
After killing the guy, a cutscene happens, where Bootleg Sean Connery and Last MacLeod meet a voodoo guy and someone else, who talk about helping the Dundees escape some kind of energy collector? Hardcore stuff for a children's cartoon. Maybe we shouldn't make those off of R-rated film franchises.
Then the game gives me a false choice, followed by another cutscene. Yadda, yadda, yadda, Bootleg Sean Connery is going to place a bomb somewhere, Last MacLeod is going free the Dundees. This one's interesting because its in the in-game engine. Both paths lead to a giant crusher thing, and the game tells me something about timing my way through it. Its at this point where things go very wrong. I can't open my inventory and whenever I try to even force my way through the thing, I can't move through it. It doesn't really matter either way, since I'm going to have to open that at some point. The answer is, I have too many items in my inventory.
It honestly blows my mind that something like this happened. Did something change between the completed Jaguar release and this unfinished PC version? Surely at some point the developers loaded up as many items as they could without crashing. Holding onto those health items is really important, because at this point there are quite a few fights without any new ones whatsoever. Its not a concern for me, because I'm just going to cheat, but this is just a port of an already released game.
In order to get past the crusher thing, you have to use the stopwatch. That's it, you're teleported there afterward. Then, its a lot of sewers, then a lot of enemies in the sewers. I'm half annoyed and half okay with it. The closed quarters aren't great fun when dealing with enemies, but they get stuck on the walls quite a bit, which is nice.
At some point I reach...something. It looks like a powerplant. Ties into the sewers...I guess. Here we have the first sign of them using these pre-selected camera angles for something interesting...of course its right in front of a really nasty fight, but one thing at a time. Because of how the rest of the game has not taken advantage of these angles, this looks really out of place, not to mention an overuse of bloom.
The path these two were guarding? Nothing I can do with it yet, there are three doors, one that seems important, and two that look like they're here for scenery. The other path is much more fruitful, a big-ass barracks with a couple of guards. The guards drop keys. For where? For two panels back in the sewers. This game man, this game.
This Session: 1 hours
Total Time: 4.5 hours
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